Who doesn't love calling their insurance company? After only 10 minutes hitting random numbers directing me in various directions, eventually I happened upon a real live person! Portia did a fantastic job explaining how crappy our excellent insurance is. I quickly realized that I have made a huge mistake. For several months, I have been pretty cavalier about our options for my birth. I assumed that because we pay so much for our insurance we could pretty much have a baby at a resort in Tahiti and they would say, "Sure, no problem!"
After doing tons and tons of research over the last five months, I settled on a home birth as my ideal birthing situation. I did not really expect our insurance to fully cover home birth. While quite common in Europe and other countries, home birth is still controversial in the U.S.. I figured that, since I have been interviewing Certified Nurse Midwives who also have privileges to deliver at Bay Area hospitals, some percentage of their fee would be covered. Nope. Nothing. Zero.
A report by Amnesty International, titled "Deadly Delivery," notes that "the likelihood of a woman's dying in childbirth in the U.S. is five times as great as in Greece, four times as great as in Germany and three times as great as in Spain. Every day in the U.S., more than two women die of pregnancy-related causes, with the maternal mortality ratio doubling from 6.6 deaths per 100,000 births in 1987 to 13.3 deaths per 100,000 births in 2006... Overuse of obstetrical intervention and barriers to access to more woman-centered, physiologic care provided by family-practice physicians and midwives" is cited as a major factor in the rise in maternal mortality. [Read more: http://www.time.com/time/health/article/0,8599,1971633,00.html#ixzz0ozO5GeZT]
While definitely scared away from hospitals due to the 33% national c-section rate and the doctor, rather than woman-centered approach, I was also looking forward to a home birth for more positive reasons. As a designer, I work to create comfortable home environments. I love the idea of being in my own home, where I know where everything is and will be more at ease while I'm laboring; I love that there would be no time limits placed upon my labor; I love that I could have a birth tub and float and float and float! I love that I would not be confined to my back to deliver, that there would be no nurse shift changes, that I would not automatically have an IV or be strapped to a table for fetal monitoring. I love that after I delivered the baby, I could take a bath in my own bath tub, sleep in my own bed, and eat my own food. The concept of delivering at home just feels more gentle and natural.
Of course, I am not completely opposed to medical intervention, and therein lies my problem. If there was some way to guarantee that I would be having a home birth, I may consider shelling out the $5,000 for the midwife, on top of the $2,000 for the labor doula. So far, my pregnancy seems pretty uneventful, but that could change. If I get high blood pressure, have meconium in the water, am group B strep positive, etc., I will definitely be delivering in a hospital.
As I have never been through labor, I don't know whether or not paying $5,000 to have a baby at home is worth it. If I end up going to the hospital anyway, it would be like throwing $5,000 into the air. On the other hand, this is a major life event that I would like to be done my way - is there a price tag for that? If only Portia could have answered this question.
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Double, double, toil and trouble
As I approach the 20 week mark, and thus the BIG ultrasound, I am starting to get more questions about whether or not we are going to find out the sex of the baby. While we were entrenched in the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" camp for most of this pregnancy, when my acupuncturist accidentally said that she thinks that it's a girl, I began to wonder if we should find out. I didn't want to think of the baby as a girl only for it to be a boy! Luckily, one of my friends told me that her acupuncturist was wrong about the sex. Now, I feel pretty comfortable going back to thinking of it as "baby" rather than "little boy" or "little girl."
There are few really big surprises in life, and since we really don't care whether or not it's a girl or a boy, we may as well wait until it pops out! The probability is that it will be one or the other. Also, since we plan on Daniel "catching" the baby, it will be so much fun for him to announce, "It's a X!" (Hopefully, "X" will be replaced with "boy" or "girl.")
It seems that people really like to focus on the sex of the baby. I have a different obsession. As I am pretty sure that it will either be a girl or a boy, I like to spend my extra time thinking about what it will look like and what traits it may have! I am so amazed by the caldron of genes that are boiling in my belly! Just looking at my five brothers and sisters demonstrates how the same ingredients can make some very different casseroles!
Ingredient One: "Eye of newt"
-My first internet search focussed on eye color. Seems simple enough. Au contraire! The difficulty began when we needed to define what color Daniel's eyes actually are! After some time shining a flashlight in his eyes, I determined that they are a dark steel blue with brown around the iris. Basically, we went with blue. Mine are hazel, but most generators don't have "hazel" so we went with green. By imputing our eye colors, our parents' eye colors and our siblings' eye colors, we found that we have a 50% chance of a green eyed baby and a 50% chance of a blue eyed baby. Of course, neither of us has a "true" green or a "true" blue eye color, so really, who knows!
Ingredient Two: "Finger of birth-strangled babe"
-Daniel is left handed and very ambidextrous. I, on the other hand, really only have my left hand for the purpose of symmetry. According to a Johns Hopkins study, left handed people are generally more adept at language and usually go on to be wealthier than their right handed counterparts. Plus, I think that it's awesome to be called "sinister." Unfortunately, when the father is left handed, the child only has a 12% chance of being left handed. If I were left handed, there would be a 16% chance. Here's hoping to beating the odds!
Ingredient Three: "Lizard's leg"
-More than having a girl or a boy, my husband really wants our child to be tall. "A 6'-0" tall daughter would be awesome!" I then had to inform him that his 5'-6.5" tall wife is unlikely to have a 6'-0" tall daughter. I hope that he doesn't ask for a divorce! So let's see how tall our kids could possibly be based upon this equation:
-Girl: Daniel's height (73.5") - 5 = 68.5" + my height (66.5") = 135"/2 = 67.5", so 5'-7.5"
-Boy: my height (66.5") + 5 = 71.5" + Daniel's height (73.5") = 145"/2 = 72.5", so 6'-0.5"
I guess we'll see in about 18 years how accurate this is!
Ingredients Four & Five: "Nose of Turk, and Tartar's lips"
-Determining what a child's nose will look like is rather difficult. While the "Roman" nose is definitely more dominant, neither of us really has a "Roman" nose. I did find one study that indicated that the sharp nose, like Daniel has, is more dominant over the rounded nose, like I have. However, he is the only one of three brothers to have the sharp nose, so I'm thinking that our odds are really 50/50 round v. sharp nose! (This is obviously very accurate!)
-In terms of lips, full lips are dominate over thin lips. I wouldn't describe either of us as having really full lips, but I think that mine are a bit fuller. I win!
Ingredient Six: "Wool of bat"
-Who knew that hair color would be so difficult to determine! We can be fairly certain that by a certain age our child will have dark hair, as we each do; however, up until puberty, who knows! Daniel was blonde for most of his childhood, and while I always had dark hair, all of my siblings - all five of them - had blonde or red hair! I also carry the red gene, so it is possible that we could have a red haired baby! The hair color component is actually the most disconcerting to me. I think that I always imagined that my child would have dark hair from the get-go, so now I'm having to come to terms with the possibility that I may have a little tow headed rug rat!
-As we both have curly hair, it is unlikely that our baby will escape summer frizz!
-And in terms of hairline, my widow's peak is dominant, so our little baby should have a little widow's peak! How cute!
-In other hair notes, Daniel's long eyelashes are dominant over my regular ones! Awesome!
Ingredient Seven: "Scale of dragon"
-It is also likely that our child will get my freckles! I had better start stocking up on sun block.
-Daniel has a small cleft in his chin, but, as this is recessive, it is unlikely that our child will have it.
-Unattached earlobes are also dominant, so, as Daniel's earlobes are floating free, so must our baby's be!
For another five months, all of these little genes will stew. In the mean time, I'm sure that I will come up with more predictions about how this baby will look - a fun little exercise to look back upon in the future. Beyond that, however, my main desire is that "the charm is firm and good."
Sunday, May 16, 2010
16 and Pregnant
A 30 year old pregnant woman in San Francisco is like a 16 year old pregnant girl in the rest of the country. People just don't know what to do with me! In a city with more dogs than children, a pregnant lady is quite an anomaly - especially one who is embarking on the endeavor of parenthood at such a young age!
As I am starting to feel a bit more like my normal self instead of First Trimester Zombie Lady, I am really making an effort to be more social. Last night, Daniel and I ventured to a party at one of our friend's places in the Mission. Of course, the party started at 9 o'clock. Yes, 9 pm. Since it would be rude to actually show up at 9, the party really started around 9:30. For normal people, no big deal. For me, 9:30 is only an hour shy of my bedtime! Again, in an effort to socialize with people outside of The Bump, I sucked it up and off we went.
In my first trimester, everything was so new and fresh that I really did want to primarily focus on my pregnancy. Every day brought on some new sensation, thought, feeling. I would feel perfectly normal only to find out that, no, I really cannot eat tomatoes. Suddenly, I would find that the oatmeal that I had for breakfast meant that the trajectory of my day would be entirely different from what I had planned. Fatigue was a wall difficult to climb. I felt pride if I simply took out the trash! Every item that I ate, every movement that I made, how much I slept or did not sleep, had to be analyzed intently in an effort to alleviate the "strangeness" that was a part of my every moment.
Up until week 16, I was still having much of the same experience. Then, one day, somewhere between weeks 16 and 17, everything went relatively back to normal! Sure, I still can't eat tomatoes, but I actually feel like my eyes are open during the day, instead of half closed in some fog. This change led to my Pregnancy Revolt. Instead of talking about pregnancy, I wanted to discuss the latest news from NPR. I began to read books other than Ina May's Guide to Childbirth and other pregnancy texts. I actually enjoyed working again, rather than muddling through tasks. For about two weeks, I really didn't want to talk or think about the pregnancy at all. I obviously knew that I was pregnant, but it also felt so good to have me back!
Now, at almost week 19, I feel like I've come to a kind of equilibrium - yes, I'm pregnant and love to talk about my pregnancy, but I also have interests and aspects to myself that have nothing at all to do with impending motherhood. It was with this mindset that I ventured back into society last night. Little did I know that I would scare the villagers!
Some of it was my fault. I should have requested the rocks glass for my water instead of the regular glass. That way, other guests could assume that I was just a hard core - rather than a teetotaler. The non-drinker is always a bit suspicious.
It didn't take too long for other guests to find out that I was having a baby. I'm not showing too much, but the water coupled with a little bump gave me away. After the "Congratulations!," the conversation stops. I tried to talk about something else - their job, where they're from, anything, but I can tell that they feel pressure to discuss my pregnancy and have no idea what to say.
I forgot that not only am I an anomaly as a pregnant lady, but also that I have actually had some experience with babies and pregnancy prior to my own. As the eldest of six, I remember when my little brothers and sisters were born. Most of our friends, however, have rarely encountered pregnant ladies or their babies.
Of course, many of our San Francisco friends are planning on having children - in the vague future. And, like most people who do have children around here, they will probably move to a more suburban area - Marin or the Peninsula.
So, for the present, I have decided that, when we attend social events in San Francisco, I am going to announce that I'm having a puppy.
As I am starting to feel a bit more like my normal self instead of First Trimester Zombie Lady, I am really making an effort to be more social. Last night, Daniel and I ventured to a party at one of our friend's places in the Mission. Of course, the party started at 9 o'clock. Yes, 9 pm. Since it would be rude to actually show up at 9, the party really started around 9:30. For normal people, no big deal. For me, 9:30 is only an hour shy of my bedtime! Again, in an effort to socialize with people outside of The Bump, I sucked it up and off we went.
In my first trimester, everything was so new and fresh that I really did want to primarily focus on my pregnancy. Every day brought on some new sensation, thought, feeling. I would feel perfectly normal only to find out that, no, I really cannot eat tomatoes. Suddenly, I would find that the oatmeal that I had for breakfast meant that the trajectory of my day would be entirely different from what I had planned. Fatigue was a wall difficult to climb. I felt pride if I simply took out the trash! Every item that I ate, every movement that I made, how much I slept or did not sleep, had to be analyzed intently in an effort to alleviate the "strangeness" that was a part of my every moment.
Up until week 16, I was still having much of the same experience. Then, one day, somewhere between weeks 16 and 17, everything went relatively back to normal! Sure, I still can't eat tomatoes, but I actually feel like my eyes are open during the day, instead of half closed in some fog. This change led to my Pregnancy Revolt. Instead of talking about pregnancy, I wanted to discuss the latest news from NPR. I began to read books other than Ina May's Guide to Childbirth and other pregnancy texts. I actually enjoyed working again, rather than muddling through tasks. For about two weeks, I really didn't want to talk or think about the pregnancy at all. I obviously knew that I was pregnant, but it also felt so good to have me back!
Now, at almost week 19, I feel like I've come to a kind of equilibrium - yes, I'm pregnant and love to talk about my pregnancy, but I also have interests and aspects to myself that have nothing at all to do with impending motherhood. It was with this mindset that I ventured back into society last night. Little did I know that I would scare the villagers!
Some of it was my fault. I should have requested the rocks glass for my water instead of the regular glass. That way, other guests could assume that I was just a hard core - rather than a teetotaler. The non-drinker is always a bit suspicious.
It didn't take too long for other guests to find out that I was having a baby. I'm not showing too much, but the water coupled with a little bump gave me away. After the "Congratulations!," the conversation stops. I tried to talk about something else - their job, where they're from, anything, but I can tell that they feel pressure to discuss my pregnancy and have no idea what to say.
I forgot that not only am I an anomaly as a pregnant lady, but also that I have actually had some experience with babies and pregnancy prior to my own. As the eldest of six, I remember when my little brothers and sisters were born. Most of our friends, however, have rarely encountered pregnant ladies or their babies.
Of course, many of our San Francisco friends are planning on having children - in the vague future. And, like most people who do have children around here, they will probably move to a more suburban area - Marin or the Peninsula.
So, for the present, I have decided that, when we attend social events in San Francisco, I am going to announce that I'm having a puppy.
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